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Lisa Holloway

Spot the Real From the Fake

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Sometimes, it’s easy to recognize a friend who’s having a negative impact on your life. It might be the friend that constantly mooches from you or the friend that wants every conversation to be focused on her. 

But some negative friendships are subtler. It’s the quiet put-down at the end of your funny story or the unsolicited fashion advice when you try a new shirt. It can be the “jokes” about your weight loss attempts or the digs about your new dating profile.

It feels like every attempt to better your life is met with disapproval. You want to try out for the new position that opened at your dream company. But your friend tells you that you’ll end up disappointed when it doesn’t happen. You want to go back to school so you can earn your degree. But your friend insists that you don’t have the time or money to pursue it. 

The Two Types of Negative Friends

Most negative friends fall into two categories. The first is the “Debbie Downer” friend. She tends to have a negative attitude about everything. There’s always a way she can nitpick, automatically looking for the downside no matter how many things are going well in your life. 

Your “Debbie Downer” friend’s negativity isn’t usually personal. She sees the world through a negative lens and shares that view with you. She may call herself a “realist” but she’s far more of a cynic than she knows. 

The second type is the “Safe Sally” friend. She knows you so well she doesn’t expect anything new from you. She wants you to play small and stay where you are. If you express an interest in doing something new or different, she points out all the ways it could go wrong. Deep down, the “Safe Sally” friend cares about you and this is where her concern stems from.

Bruce Wilkinson, author of The Dream Giver, calls these people our “dream police”. She means well, but she wants you safe. The problem is your best self isn’t going to develop in a safe place. Your best self is going to develop in a place where you’re called to be courageous. 

Two Options for Dealing with Negative Friends

You’ve recognized that a friend is a “Debbie Downer” or a “Safe Sally”. But now you’re left wondering what to do. With “Debbie Downer”, it’s best to stop listening to your negative friend. Don’t get sucked into their negativity or drama. You can do this by reducing the amount of time you spend with them. This doesn’t mean you have to cut Debbie out of your life. You’re just limiting her influence over you.

But what about “Safe Sally”? Often, she just needs to be reassured that her opinion matters and reminded that you’re working to follow your dreams. As time goes on, she may get on-board with you and show her support in surprising ways.

Mindful friendships are intentional friendships. You want to fill your life with friends that support you and believe in your dreams. 

Photo by Espolòn Tequila on Unsplash

Focus On What You Can Do And Not What You Can’t Do

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Do you find yourself focusing on the things you can’t do and lamenting the fact you can’t do them? Do you wish that you could do some things you enjoy doing better than you can do them? Most of us do have these thoughts and handle them in different ways. Some just continue to do them, whilst others do a course to improve the way they do them. Some people however have approached their thoughts in a different way.

Instead of focusing on what they can’t do, they focus on the things they can do, and work on doing them even better. Maybe you can’t cook a very good baked dinner, but if you can create a wonderful baked cheesecake then let the cheesecake become your signature dessert. If you can’t grow tomatoes in your garden, but you can grow flowers then create a beautiful garden and become known for the flowers you grow there, rather than the tomatoes you can’t grow. 

When we focus on perfecting what we are already doing well, we begin to feel good about ourselves. Every day we hear our self-talk telling us conflicting stories. Our friends may praise us for something we have done or the new clothes we are wearing, but we find it impossible to accept that praise graciously and without making an excuse for it.  Our negative self-talk will often speak louder than the words of our friends. Focusing on the things we know we are good at, will help our positive self-talk to say things to us that we will believe and will help our overall self-esteem.

Take time this week to enjoy and appreciate the things you are good at, and particularly the ones you believe you can do well. Take advice from your partner or your friends if you are not sure where your strengths lie. Enjoy focusing your time and energy on helping the good become the best and then enjoy your achievements. Allow yourself to enjoy comments and appreciation of your work. 

You may feel uncomfortable about accepting praise about the good things you do personally, but to put it in perspective, remember how we feel when we receive a word of praise at work? . Accepting praise for the things we are good at, with ease and sincere gratitude is an important step towards a strong and healthy positive self-image.

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When Things Go Wrong: Are They Failures or Opportunities?

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Many people try new ideas and when they don’t go well for them, they give up and feel like failures. Others, after trying new ideas and failing refuse to give up and continue to try and many of them succeed, and those who don’t just enjoy the experience and turn their hands to something else. 

Why do some people choose to make the most of the experience no matter what the result may be and others rate it a failure if things don’t go well?  The answer is an optimistic attitude to every experience in life. Successes are achievements enjoyed today and failures are learning tools for future experiences. There are no failures; they are simply steps towards future successes. 

Learning to laugh at our mistakes and to dream big dreams are two very important characteristics that optimists develop that enable them to look at something that some may call as a failure as a learning opportunity. When we take our selves too seriously, we are more likely to think of our failures as permanent and they often attack our sense of self worth. When we can focus on our other successes and see this as a setback that we can laugh at and continue to dream of success next time we maintain our optimism. 

So how do we deal with failure so we can see it as a learning tool for the future?  

  1.  Challenge what you think of success and failure. It’s our perception of them that makes us see failure as negative and success as positive. Failure is simply part of the journey to success, the ultimate destination. 

  1. When you feel a failure because of a poor result or outcome, set yourself goals immediately, deciding how to continue your journey to success. The old, but familiar saying of “climb back on your horse immediately after you fall off” is based on this concept.

  1. Look at a failure from the perspective of the big picture, not the small picture. You may have not achieved the outcome you wanted, but you did achieve. Make a list of all the things you learned and gained from the experience and celebrate those things. They are achievements, it is not one complete failure, but many small achievements and they deserve to be celebrated.

Failure is about opportunity and embracing failure as opportunity helps to eliminate failure from your vocabulary helping you to stay optimistic and find success in everything you do.

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You’re Worth The Investment

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If you are not investing in personal development, you may be limiting your true potential. Personal development affects your entire life, not just your work life or your personal life. It’s amazing how many people don’t try to improve themselves. These are the same people that wonder why they are not getting anywhere with their lives.

You want to use some guidelines to help you which are as follows:

1. Imagine How You Want to Shape Your Life

Without a vision, you won’t be able to determine what kind of life you want to live. You need to balance what kinds of changes you want professionally as well as personally. The two will ultimately overlap. If you imagine yourself being more helpful to others, this trait will become part of both. There may be certain aspects of your personal development that you believe are specific to personal life but may eventually carry over to your professional life. If you have wanted to increase your skills as a community leader, this could easily be incorporated into your professional career. The key is to identify and imagine what this new skill is going to look like.

2. Assess Your Current Situation

Before you make any changes in your life, determine where you stand with your life as it currently exists. Determine strengths and weaknesses to help you formulate a plan to make the necessary changes.

3. Set Goals

Once you know what your strengths and weaknesses are, create some goals to strive to complete. These should include high level goals as well as action steps. Most important, set milestones with firm dates for these action steps.

4. Consider Alternatives

There can be valid reasons why certain actions or goals can’t be met. Instead of abandoning the entire personal development plan, come up with alternatives steps. Be careful not to simply fall back on these steps because they are easier than the main goals.

5. Evaluate How You Are Doing

When you reach a milestone, see how you did against the plan of action steps. This is a crucial step, and it’s important to be realistic and truthful. The best way to handle this is to have someone else perform this for you. It may not be easy to hear, but the benefits will be well worth it.

6. Keep it Simple

If you add a bunch of unobtainable goals to your plan, you are likely setting yourself up for failure. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to push yourself. It just means being realistic about your capabilities.

Check out Mindful Peace Academy for your personal development needs.

https://mindful-peace-academy.teachable.com/p/home

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Embracing Rejection

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No one likes to get rejected. When we ask others out on dates and they say no, that is a terrible feeling. When we don’t get the job we sought, it feels like we have failed in some way. There are many more examples of how rejection hurts. But, if you embrace rejection you will find that it can be a tremendous tool in your personal development.

Rejection is a part of life. People are often afraid of rejection because it points out flaws in themselves. If you use rejection as a learning experience, you can use it to better your position. The biggest question you should try to answer is why did the person reject me? If you can answer that, you can take steps to improve.

Rejection can also give you an indication of what you want or don’t want out of your life. Have you ever been on an interview for a job you felt you weren’t qualified for? Or perhaps you were qualified, but your heart wasn’t in it. This can happen to people who are burnt out with their careers. The rejection is a blessing in disguise for both situations. If you are not qualified and got hired, you would not last in the job, unless they were willing to train you (which is rare these days). If you are burnt out, rejection can tell you it’s time for a change.

Unless it’s dating, most rejection should not be taken personally. You need to develop a tough skin and move on. Salespeople know that their success is a number’s game. Keep going until someone says yes.

Rejection can also help you focus on the right type of people to target. If you are trying to sell cars to people who don’t have licenses, you’re in for a tough sell and are likely to get a lot of rejections. On the other hand, if you find a hungry market for what you are selling, getting to a “yes” answer is not going to take that long. Knowing the reasons why for any rejections can help you hone in what you need to change to avoid those rejections in the future.

If you are afraid of rejection, you’d be wise in getting over that. You’ll find that rejection can help you get more of what you want out of life if you use it in a constructive manner. Don’t let it get you down. Just keep moving forward.

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How to Use Your Personality to Choose the Best Career

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There are many ways in which personality types are classified, and one interesting classification is that of colors. The color classifications include yellow, blue, green and red types. It is very important to know what color type you are so that you will make the best choice in career. 

 

If you are a yellow, you are that kind of a person that puts others before you and you care about the feelings of other people first. You are a person who is very caring, understanding and patient. You are a home maker, and you are great with kids. Therefore, the best careers include nursing, community resource and teaching. Do not go into technical careers such as engineering or aggressive ones like sales and marketing, because you will waste your personality. 

 

If you are a green type, you love working with figures and actuality, and not with fiction. You do not make rush decisions and you love analyzing a situation before making a final decision or conclusion. You also do not give up easily, and you can push for something until it succeeds. When you get results, you do not stop at it; you confirm and reconfirm and you take no chances. You love gathering information that will give you enough confidence and surety in the decisions you make. If this is you, consider being an accountant or an engineer. Also, computer programming and other factual sciences will do for you. 

 

You love fun, you love life and you cannot withstand a life that does not seem to have any motion in it. This puts you into the blue group. You have nothing to do with the facts that the greens use, and you love adventure. You love making new friends and you love going for trips. You do more than multitasking, and you can hardly concentrate on one thing to the end. Creativity is your second name. The best career choices for you are those that involve people and not machines – sales, network marketing, public speaking and media (radio and entertainment). 

 

If your main motivation is money and you love getting solutions, you are a red. If you are this kind of a person, then you are much focused and you rarely lose control. You love handling one thing at a time with perfection. You cannot be contained in an activity that does not bring in big money. You fly with eagles, not with chicken. You can be the best CEO ever, and you should go for it. Also, you can make a good pilot, doctor, lawyer and judge.

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Active Your Potential

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Let’s Get Innovative and Purse Our Dreams. 

It’s a talent that everybody bears, yet they believe they don’t. The mightiness of invention. If you’ve ever wondered at somebody’s originative prowess, guess what, you are able to produce and innovate also. It just takes time. Everybody is born creative. They didn’t give the box of crayons in kindergarten to only a few; as the fact is, everyone has potential. You recognize how long it took to discover how to ride a bike or drive or to not make the same error over again? It’s the same with innovation. It takes a little practice and much time before this brain function issues forth easily when summoned.

This article will show you how to impart innovation into your life.

Don’t listen to what others state. Abide by what you believe. Listening to the input of others will only bestow noise to the music you’re attempting to make. If you’ve an original thought, don’t waste your time and sweat attempting to make individuals comprehend. They won’t. And the help you’ll likely get comes in the form of damaging feedback. If all those geniuses heeded their peers, we’d likely still be living with no electric.

Take time. I can’t stress that enough, although, don’t misunderstand and quit your day job altogether. This calls for some cunning time management but with a bit of discipline you’ll be able to embrace both.

Work out. Take a walk. Run a mile or 2. Send out all those endorphins flowing through your veins. Exercising definitely clears and relaxes your mind and permits anything to crop up. 

What about your dreams? Aren’t a few of them just the maddest things that your witting mind would never have dreamt up? If you’ve had these dreams earlier, and I’m certain have, this only shows you the untapped forward-looking power you have resting within. So jot down the notes. Those dreams might just produce an innovative spark in you.

Zero will work without passion. What keeps the fire burning? What is the one affair that you’ll die if you don’t accomplish? Occasionally individuals with talent are overpowered by the individuals who want it more. Occasionally you just want something so badly you become virtually unstoppable. And that’s passion. Passion will keep you moving. 

Don’t fret about inspiration. You can’t push it; inspiration hits when you least anticipate it. A thought may strike you on the metro, yet regrettably, you poor unfortunate person; you’ve no piece of paper to scratch down a thought that may change the universe. Avoid these calamities. Have a pen and paper at all times.

Don’t Let Your Emotions Control You

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From the moment we were born, we’ve been a slave to our emotions. Babies cry, kids throw conniptions, teenagers rebel… even so, there are times when we need to rein these feelings in and learn how to control emotions. 

After all, you can’t exactly burst into tears whenever your boss differs with your idea. And you can’t  hit others either because they annoy you. So how do you master emotions?

Read on to find out. 

 

  1. Be Prepared. 

Sometimes, we are filled with emotions. When someone says something that we don’t anticipate, we might cry, laugh or get really angry. This might be okay when you’re among friends, but it’s another story altogether when you’re in the midst of a board meeting. 

One way on how to control emotions is to prepare yourself for what’s ahead. For instance, if you already know that you’re dealing with an impossible customer, pace yourself. Tell yourself not to get worked up. Be the image of cool. Preparing yourself helps you control your emotions and not the other way around. 

 

  1. Be Objective. 

Let’s say you’re a journalist covering an earthquake calamity where thousands of people died. If you want to learn how to control emotions long adequate so you can do your job properly, detach yourself from the number of aggrieving people. Focus on the numbers and the skill. 

Learning how to control emotions might sound abrasive and cold in a calamity such as this; but occasionally, it’s the only way you can do your job and report the incidental properly. 

  1. Be Patient. 

Counting 1-10 won’t help you if you’re an eager person. Therefore, it’s important that you work on that area of yourself. Being affected helps delay abounds of emotion that may not be helpful for the situation. It gives your feelings time to lessen and retreat. 

 

One way to civilize patience is speculation. This activity also helps you calm yourself down and appease strong beckons of emotion. 

 

Being able to feel emotions and carry them is part of being human. There’s nothing wrong with that. All the same, there are certain cases wherein we must learn how to control emotions. Besides, sudden bursts of emotions also lead us to doing things we might regret later on. In order to avoid any messed up  situations, be objective and be patient.

 

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Why Am I Soooo Stressed

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We’re living in really trying and hard times and matters don’t seem to be getting any easier. Occasionally life may seem awfully painful and unjust, yet for some reason we manage to battle on, daily, hoping and praying that matters will soon get better. 

But daily the world is getting to be a crazier and less settled place to live in, let alone stressful. Nothing appears safe any longer. Millions of individuals are in record levels of debt. Several are losing their jobs, their homes, their wellness and occasionally even their sanity. Concern, depression and anxiety seem to have become a way of life for way too many individuals.

We appear to have entered the Age of anxiousness.  The ceaseless stress and doubts of living in the 21st century have for sure taken their toll. Switch on the news or open a paper and we’re bombarded with distressing images and stories.  We start to wonder if we’re safe anyplace.  In this, the info age, never before have we had such access to so much information.

The economic system is another stressor.  Our country is in debt and so are a lot of Americans.  Lofty gas prices, exorbitant housing costs, even the cost of food has sent a lot of Americans to work in jobs that are disappointing and boring.  They work these jobs as they require a paycheck.  Now, it’s more crucial to bring home the bacon instead of work in a dream career.

Having more women in the workplace adds to the tension.  Numerous women feel the have to be everything to everybody and that includes a paycheck earner, home keeper, mother, wife, daughter, and sibling.  The only trouble with that is a few women just don’t make any time for themselves therefore contributing to their stress levels representing an all-time high.

Even youngsters may feel the pressure of stress and anxiety.  Adolescents who want to go to college discover themselves pushing themselves during their studies to attempt and get scholarships so they may attend schools that have ever increasing tuition prices. 

 

They discover themselves having to hold down part-time jobs on top of all that to make money for extras that their parents can no more afford.  Add peer pressure into the mixture and you’ve a veritable pressure cooker! Cells, internet, palm pilots, blackberries, and i-pods – we’re always on the go and forever approachable.  We don’t make time to unwind and enjoy life any longer.  Why not?  We surely should!

If stress is induced by us not feeling in control of a state of affairs, the answer is to attempt and reverse this, and find that control.  The good news is:  you are able to! You’ve everything inside you that you require to overcome your stress and the accompanying anxiety.  The issue is, often we don’t realize that we’re in control as we feel so out of control at time.  But the tools are there, you simply have to use them.

If you’re interested in learning more about how to manage your stress, book a free 30 minute call with me to discuss your options and create a plan of action to help get your life back on track.

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How Well Do You Manage Your Finances?

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Financial management of your personal finances is one of the hardest things you may have to do in your life. It is very hard to know whether or not you manage your personal finances well, unless you ask yourself some questions. 

First and foremost, you need to ask yourself, “how well can you manage without using your credit card?” If you are very dependent on the credit card that you cannot do without it for the month, then your personal finance management has not yet grown to maturity. Doing without your credit card is not something you will learn to do overnight; it needs a lot of patience and sacrifice to break from such a habit. You first need to gradually but steadily pay off all the pending debts in your credit cards. This will call for debt consolidation so that the interest rates you pay will lower.

Secondly, the best indicator of how well or badly you manage your finances is your savings account. How much savings do you have? Over what period of time have you made these savings? How much do you dig back into the savings to meet your needs and wants? It is very disastrous when you have absolutely no personal savings. You should ensure that you save at least ten percent of your monthly or daily income. If you use more than ninety percent of what you get, then you should improve your personal finance management skills. There is no way you will get your personal finances in order if you have no savings to fall back to.

Thirdly, look at the status of your job or business. How much do you get from it in a month or week? How stable is it? What is the future like for the job or business? Does it meet your expenses? If not, what is your next plan for making more money? Do not rely on your job alone if you want to be in a good position to manage your personal finances. Consider doing business, whether small or big. 

Lastly, you need to know the stats of your emergency funds. Do you have sufficient medical emergency funds? Are you in any retirement benefit plan? You should make use of such plans, especially the government ones. This will ensure that your future is secured financially and that you will be prepared in case of any emergencies.

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